Here Comes the Builder

Here Comes the Builder

By Roshonda N. Blackmon a.k.a JustsumInspiration


I was talking to a girlfriend recently and she began to talk about most women’s main conversation “MEN” – she began to go on and on about how she wanted someone in her life and how she would just like to go out on a date every once in a while with someone. My conversation back to her was a little different as I began to express how afraid I was of dating; I mean let’s face it, at this point in my life I’m afraid of MEN! PERIOD!!

I guess it’s because I’ve had my share of failed relationships and have experienced un-fulfillment in each one of them. I went on to tell her how, I too would love to be in a decent relationship but for some reason; every relationship I’ve encountered; the men have always came to me broken. While I listened to her fantasy of having a “Knight in Shining Armor” I realized that I had never, ever had a guy that was self-sufficient, capable or sane in my relationship history, the guys that entered my life were always broken pieces. Not to say they were bad men, it’s just that by the time they got to me – They had been used, abused, traumatized, taken for everything they had, stand-offish and/or hard to love and unaffectionate. They were literally listed in critical condition in the ICU with no hopes of surviving. When they came into my life – I became their Savior; the one that observed the damage and tried to figure out a way to put all the broken pieces back together again. I went to work on them as if they were headed into major surgery and I was the surgeon in which their life depended on to survive. Afterwards, I spent the necessary time nurturing them, loving them, feeding them, taking care of them and showing them that every woman in the world is not the same – I strived to turn all that hurt into

builder-pic-2Finally, after much surgery, counseling and being the helping hand they needed most – when they got on their feet and became self-sufficient again. Things in the relationship went sour as they no longer needed my services. The same men that I so earnestly built up went on to be the dedicated, fulfilled men they needed to be in other relationship, leaving me all alone. I began to ask myself “What’s wrong with me?” & why is it that I could never keep a relationship? What is it that I’m doing wrong?  Is it my personality, is it my standards (because they were never high), did I remind them of their mother or grandmother? In which I did have a guy to tell me that a long time ago (still today, I don’t know how to process that one). I wondered, Why haven’t a good, stable, capable guy come in my direction; it was then that I realized that I was “A BUILDER” – I built every relationship I had; I tore down the old frame, built an entirely new one and just when I prepared to enjoy the fruits of my labor; My perfectly built house was SOLD from up under me. Have you ever been there? Are you a Builder too?

Once I realized my “true” title in all of this – I came to the conclusion that I no longer wanted to be a builder, Instead I want to find “MY BUILDER”, I’m a firm believer that we attract “unwanted things” according to how we feel, our current emotions, standards and thoughts. If you have low self-esteem, you’re going to attract every man from here to the other side of the country whom has low self-esteem as well.  So you see? We attract the characteristic in which we may possess within ourselves, which is why I kept attracting low standard people. It’s nothing wrong with helping someone out in their time of need or distress; this pertains to all relationships whether it’s a friend, significant other or a family member but when you’re constantly doing it, becoming drained and getting nothing back in the process; you may just be a builder. If you’ve ever taken a plane ride before, the first thing they tell you as they’re going over the safety precautions is to put the airbag over yourself first before you put it over your child. Now to those whom have children or someone in close relation that they you care about – our first thought would be to put the air over them first and then ourselves but in a matter of seconds when it’s concerning life or death – You must look out for you first before you can help the other person.

In reality we must all learn how to take care of ourselves first by making ourselves our own #1 priority. You literally have to get selfish and do for yourself before you completely become enslaved to someone else. And NO! It’s not selfish – It’s actually SMART!

Stop building up other People and leaving yourself out in the COLD! – You can’t help someone else’s issues but you can definitely make sure that you are in a good, sane and comfortable place with yourself. No matter what you’ve been helping others to build, begin to build your own house (from the inside/out) and allow God to send you someone to help increase or add to what you’ve already gotten, someone that won’t tear you down – But that can help BUILD UP the builder in you. 


Roshonda Blackmon is the creator of Justsuminspiration and Be-u-tiful Smiles; she’s an encourager, motivator and inspirationalist whom loves taking everyday life events and tying them to the word of God. Becoming an overcomer of suicide, low self-esteem, self-image and growing up without a dad or role model in a single family household; Roshonda found herself getting into detrimental relationships that lead her down a wrong path. She’s a witness that God can and will heal your mind as well as your heart. To learn more about Roshonda and/or to view other sites that she writes for, you can visit the pages listed below. She’s also on Facebook, you can visit that page by clicking here 👉 JustsumInspiration

Justsuminspiration 👉

RESPECT. Magazine 👉 

Reflect & Refresh 👉

Be-u-tiful Smiles 👉

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